I prefer not to think of it as a wasted trip. Coming back from Chicago without having signed a lease is a good thing in the long run, especially with all that I learned along the way.
I have a bad history with house-searching. Finding boyfriends instead of houses, for instance. Most have been carpeted, which has been horrible and smelly (the apartments, not the boyfriends). I seem to have excellent taste, yet paradoxically low standards. While searching, my thinking tends to be something to the effect of "Good enough! I'll make it work, and I'll make it beautiful." And I have.
For example, here are some shots of past rooms that I have dolled up to the extreme. You should have seen them beforehand.... *shudder*
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So yesterday morning, when I arrived in Chicago's Irving Park neighborhood, I absolutely fell in love. The neighborhood is by no means gentrified. I mean to say that it's about one square mile of apartments, brownstones, and single family homes where families actually live and people talk to each other on the street.
Irving Park is surrounded by four streets where you can't get a single vinyl record, organic soy milk, or cappucino... but you can definitely get your car fixed, have a sign made, get your nails done, or eat some fresh pita bread or pollo asada depending on the day.
I was already primed by the neighborhood to fall head over heels for the first apartment I saw. It was cute, $825 one bedroom including heat, no security deposit, and dog friendly... so I said "good enough," as usual and put in an application.
Fortunately, my partner is far pickier than I am with an unwavering sense of style that has yielded far better results in terms of living spaces in the past. This is our first home together, so we're both concerned with choosing a good (and inexpensive one). If it was just me, I probably would have signed a lease on that first apartment immediately. I'm glad I didn't.
I did find a second apartment I liked, but it was required a month and a half security deposit plus pet deposit ($1600 immediately, not including the first month's rent - pretty steep). It was huge and beautiful, but she was showing it to five other people on the same day, and I felt rushed. But for only $125 more than the first one, I could get 200 sf more living space and far more vintage charm... my head was spinning.
When I returned to the first apartment, they needed to know right away too. I wasn't feeling ready to decide, especially without both of us feeling really strongly about it.
My dad's voice popped into my head: "If someone ever tells you that you have to decide right now, your answer should be no. A decision under pressure rarely turns out well unless you've been researching and waiting for that very moment to arrive. If it doesn't feel right, just back out."
Wise words. But walking away from two great, inexpensive apartments felt just as foolish as jumping in head first. I felt weak and embarrassed because by going alone, I learned that I didn't feel capable of deciding without my partner with me.
Should I be the kind of woman who knows and gets what she wants and can accomplish an important task like choosing an apartment confidently with both herself and her partner in mind?
I don't know if I should strive to be that woman, but I do know that I'm the kind of woman who likes making decisions calmly, slowly, and through conversation, only taking calculated risks. I know that I need my partner by my side when choosing a home for the next year. I didn't know that at 9am this morning, but I know now.
Empty-handed, I am. But I still think my mom's locket worked like a charm. It reminded me of where I come from - with wise and sometimes cautious parents who worked hard and did well for themselves because of it. I want to work hard and do well for myself, and I don't want jump into deep water and find out I'm not that great at treading water.
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